Asking someone to hang out can be a scary thing. There is something far more personal about hanging out one on one with someone you are interested in than merely texting with the person.
It's taking a step of possibility towards a relationship. However, it doesn't have to be terrifying. There are easy ways to broach the subject.
It doesn't have to be a huge deal. By relying on open and honest communication, you can make the ask and hopefully score a "hang out" date. There are some simple things you can do to ask her out. Before you begin to think about asking a girl to hang out, you must recognize the possibility that she could say no. The possibility of rejection is not meant to dampen your spirits, but it is acknowledging that she has her agency and her reasons.
Consent is necessary, and you should never assume that you have the right to demand anything of the girl. If a rejection is the result of your offer to hang out, it doesn't mean that there is no chance for friendship. If she is someone exciting and fun in your life, it is okay for the relationship to progress as friends. Before you can ask her to hang out, you have to be honest with yourself.
What feelings are you experiencing towards her? Is it casual interest?
How to ask a girl to hang out when you want to get to know her better
Could it be infatuation? Whatever it is, the more honest you are with yourself, the more equipped you may be to ask for exactly what you want from her. If you don't ask for exactly what you wantyou run the risk of missing out on a great girl or getting stuck in a hangout you don't want to have. Be honest with the girl, and you can't be honest with her unless you are honest with yourself first. When you begin to ask if the girl wants to hang out with you, you need to be clear and transparent with your words.
You don't have to play it off as a joke or say it in a sly way. If you are direct and honest, it conveys a clear message that you want to be around her.
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She may appreciate the clarity of communication. If you're nervous, it's okay.
You are allowed to have whatever feelings you feel. Don't think you need to put on a false sense of bravado or anything. Honesty is always best, even if you feel a bit embarrassed.
You may find that you may get over your nervousness or embarrassment and feel better for having asked the girl to hang out. Asking her directly, "Do you want to hang out sometime? However, it remains nebulous, and there is a good chance it may never happen. So, have a plan. Have an option or two to present to her. Include a few dates and times you are available.
When you have a plan, it provides an actual time and activity for her to respond to, rather than a nebulous hanging out sometime in the future. If she says no to your plan or idea, she's not necessarily saying no to hanging out with you.
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She may not be able to do what you suggested when you suggested it. Having her say no to a date you suggest can open up a conversation about when you two may be able to get together. Be flexible with your plan. You can't expect her to drop everything in her life all of a sudden.
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When you come up with a plan, make sure you are doing something that allows for conversation. Since you want to get to know the girl more, you need to talk.
Going to a concert, a loud club, or a movie doesn't facilitate conversation. Perhaps hitting a local happy hour, taking a walk, or going to dinner are better options for having a good conversation where you can get to know her more. Since this is a girl that you want to get to know better, having a conversation is an excellent way to avoid both awkward minutes of silence and stalls in the conversation.
A fun thing to do is to write down some questions for both of you to answer.
These can be basic questions about work, family, and hobbies, but you can also get fun with things like "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Not only will you get to know her better, but you can show that you put some thoughtfulness into the hangout. You could also ask her to come up with five questions for you that you have to answer no matter what. Asking five questions you have to say yes to is a fun game, but it also gives her a chance to get to know you better.
The more you two get to know each other, the more likely there can be more hangouts and possibly more. You have probably been talking via text, chat, or the phone for a little while now. There are things you have said that she responded to, and vice versa. Go back through the messages and pick out a few memories you can reference during the hangout.
Maybe there was a funny joke you both laughed at; that would be fun to bring up and shows her that you are listening to her and value the conversations enough to remember them. If there is something she said that brought up a question, the hang out is a perfect time to ask about what was said. Maybe it was something about work or her friends. Whatever it is, if it provoked curiosity in you, ask.
How to ask a girl out on a date
Asking questions about things she says is how you are going to get to know her. Since this is someone you want to get to know better, you need to ask questions. Be transparent and open-ended with your questions. Try and get her to tell you stories, not just pieces of information. Stories are how we get to know each other the best. Through stories, we get to know how people react, what they care about, and what kind of humor they have.
Also, don't be afraid to share your stories as well.
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The more open you are, the more the girl may feel comfortable asking you questions. Getting to know someone is as much about you telling them about yourself as it is about listening to their stories. While the girl is talking, you should listen, not planning the next thing you are going to say but instead paying full attention to her words. Then, when she finishes, you can respond, and that may be a time to share stories of your own.
Let her lead the information you offer. What this means is don't spend the whole time talking about yourself. Let her ask you questions and answer them. Don't brag or try to impress her. Be honest and open with what you have to say. You should ask her your questions so you can get to know her, but also let her get to know you.
As you get to know each other more, you can see if there is chemistry for another hangout or a full-fledged date. If the hang out turns into more, there may come a point in the relationship where communication breaks down. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and hurt can cause discussions to escalate into arguments and fights. While this happens in every relationship, having someone to help you navigate the conflict and misunderstanding is important.
Navigating conflict is where the d online therapists at ReGain can help. Therapists can help bridge the communication gap between both of you. With a therapist's help, you can continue to grow in communication skills in your relationship.