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To tell OP that it's fine and it is all going to be alright does not help her or her - ren. Do you think that this emotional train wreck could be happening ONLY when her don't her and that they are unaffected or unaware? OP is still stuck in the 'Woe is Me' stage of this grief.
Very real to be sure, and very unproductive. I have been there. It has been years of this arrangement for us, and I would bet I still have not shed my last tear over it. I stayed in an unloving and destructive relationship a time because as a it was the only way I would be assured that I could wake up under the same roof as my. I have always been the primary care giver for my, even while they were being breast feed.
I got up more often in the night, changed more diapers, attended more daily needs, etc.
Guess what-I still do, even though we have a custody arrangement. Not because of a decree, economics, job situation, proximity or any other reason than this Like OP, I always wanted the job and I still do. The know that as well, and when they have a physical or emotional need my want their daddy and I want to be there for them. I get it. For example yesterday while shopping, my eldest ran over my my youngest's heel with the grocery cart.
We acknowledged it, but said we had to keep moving. Her sadness was sincere, genuine and deep.
It was also inappropriate. She wanted the world to stop, acknowledge her pain and wallow in it for a moment and to justice done validate her emotion What she did was hold onto her pain instead of letting it go.
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